After admitting that he contemplated suicide, the 53-year-old actor reveals that he thought about taking his father’s life. In an excerpt from his upcoming memoir, Will, Smith says he considered killing his dad, Willard Carrol Smith Sr., after witnessing him abuse his mother when he was a child.
“That when I was big enough, when I was strong enough, when I was no longer a coward, I would slay him,” Smith writes, according to ET Canada.
Willard Sr., U.S. Air Force veteran, was battling cancer at the time. “I paused at the top of the stairs. I could shove him down, and easily get away with it,” says the Oscar-nominated star. “I’m Will Smith. No one would ever believe I killed my father on purpose. I’m one of the best actors in the world. My 911 call would be Academy Award level.”
But despite his resentment for his father and the violence his inflicted on his family, Smith had a change of heart. “As the decades of pain, anger, and resentment coursed then receded, I shook my head and proceeded to wheel Daddio to the bathroom.”
Smith’s parents separated when he was 13 years old and divorced around the year 2000. Willard Sr. died in 2016.
“My father tormented me. And he was also one of the greatest men I’ve ever known,” he writes in Will. “He was one of the greatest blessings of my life, and also one of my greatest sources of pain.”
Last month, Smith revealed that he contemplated suicide while filming his upcoming YouTube Originals docuseries, “Will Smith: The Best Shape of My Life,” which documents his weight loss journey.
“When I started this show, I thought I was getting into the best shape of my life physically, but mentally I was somewhere else,” he said. “I ended up discovering a whole lot of hidden things about myself. That was the only time in my life that I ever considered suicide.”